Great leaders are the ones who know when to follow.

Teaching

I love teaching, its an amazing feeling, I hope I make a difference in these kids life’s.Yesterday we were discussing the importance of prayer and why we pray. I ask the kids who love Allah with great passion all there hands shoot up and the yelled I do. I said again and I got a louder reply. Then I was like who prays fajr, silence took over; a few hands went up hesitantly. Then a student of mine looked at me and said wait that doesn’t make sense, since one of the reason we pray is because we love Allah but then why don’t we wake up for Fajr. She took the words right out of my mouth. Then all the kids began thinking; it was one of the most productive classes and they ask some intelligent questions. The system today doesn’t really tap into these kids potential. I gave theses kids a research project Gr .10 level assignment and I wanted to see how they respond. I wasn’t expecting anything great but there presentations were amazing. They roused up to the challenge. All I know is I love teaching and I hope to make a difference and those kids life.

I need to change, I need to set goals for myself, i need to reflect on my life, this weekend was terrible i didn’t do anything productive. I just sat there and watch playoff games, it was terrible and i hate this feeling of disappointment and the feeling that i wasted two days of my life. I need to get into a routine; i need to divide my time for Islamic work, sports, school and family/friends. I need to get into the routine i had in December that i was always busy doing something productive. I dunno tonight inshAllah i am going to make a short-term plan and a long term plan. I need to make a difference. First obstacle that i need to overcome is sleep. I love sleep so much but it takes away so much time. I need to be discipline and stop sleeping in. Last week i slept in every single day. Change, i need to reflect and do something i need to start memorizing Quran and reading books. Here actually lets not waste anymore time i am going to set rough goals right now!

Memorize at least 3 ayats a day with translation
Read Quran with Tafsir at least for an hour
Go to Aunty house at least twice a week
Join track and be committed four times a week
Soccer season, train with cousin four times a week
Read a book for at least an hour
Any left over time do my homework.

I think that should make me busy, allhamduAllah now I need to go and actually plan short-term goals and long-term goals and work for it inshAllah.

I had a strange dream last night. A group of us went camping; we reached the camping ground and unloaded our sleeping bags. There was a sister there who keeps on, ignoring me at school and just acting very rudely to me. She was there and as the days went by she just kept on being a whatever and I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I began on ignoring her as well, I tried to be patience and all but it just wasn’t working. I went one day without talking to her, but that night at the camp a brother notice and came up and started to talk to me, because he realized what was going on, this brother always, I dunno how maybe since I ve known him forever, knew what I am thinking, he advices me to be kind and patience and that I don’t know what the girl is going through and also that she could be doing this for me. I couldn’t understand at first what he meant by she is doing this for me. Many people have told me that she is being mean to u, harsh to u ,not because she hates you but because she not necessarily likes u but for ur own good, in order for u to continue on with your life.

That night it was weird I had a dream within a dream and I dreamt about a simple speech by a scholar talking about always giving the benefit of the doubt to your brother and sister in Islam, which result in not hating on another, and I just gave a khutba on grudges. So I gave her the benefit for the doubt and I began actually smiling and being nice to her. It was not out of me forcing myself like before to be patience, but naturally.

Then it was time to go or something I vaguely remember and so we started to clean up, she walks in the room and starts to put the plates away, I saw she was getting uncomfortable with me in the room with her, so I decided to leave the room, and I began fixing up the carpet in the other room, she came in the other room and started insulting up my cleaning job, I don’t remember the words exactly but I didn’t say anything back I just smiled and said sorry. Then in the spur of the moment she throws the plates on the carpet and begins cursing me and saying all these words of how much she hates me and how I ruined her life and how much her life is better off without me and how she wished she never met me before. I stood there shocked, I couldn't take anymore, I wanted to flip out on her I wanted to tell her how much she hurt me, how much she put me through and yet I was never harsh to her and yet I never made her feel guilty, I never intentionally tried to hurt her. I saw this sister in the background and because of her I caught my tongue and I stormed out of the room. I went into the room where all the uncles and aunties where and she followed me and she started crying and yelling why are u so nice, why don’t u hate me because I hate u and then she left room her face wet with all the tears she had shed, all the aunties and uncles gave me a confused look but I couldn’t care less of what they thought of me In that situation. I chased her she went into the girls cabinet lucky there was no girls in the cabinet and I followed her, she looked me into the eye and said she was sorry for all the things she’s done to me at school, for treating me the way she did. I told her I forgive u and I told her the best way of solving something is by facing it and confronting it even if it hurts but it wont leave a mark because u well face it and pass it, she agreed and gave me hug, then my sister walk in and when she saw what’s was happening she jump for joy, her smile was priceless she want out and told my parents, My parents entered the room and a bunch of people followed them curious to what was going on, everyone that was close to me was in that room at that moment. My Father ask for her hand at that moment and she grab my hand everyone was happy jumping up and down all my friends where like u did it u got married young to someone u love so dearly.

Then Sheena woke me up, I woke up with this feeling that no, that wasn’t the ending, with this feeling that she didn’t want to get married with me that she didn’t love me. I closed my eyes once again and I was trying to get back into the dream, semi sleep I got back into the dream but I felt like I created it and it was my imagination but I was not in my full senses, because I was sleeping. Anyhow when we came back to Edmonton, I toke her into the mosque and I ask her that do u want to get married to me she said yes but I didn’t believe her I told her that this is ur future and do what u want with it I am happy with ur decision., she looks at me in the eyes and says no I don’t want to marry u I never wanted to marry u. I thought I did but it was away to get away from my problems. I am sorry but I never had feeling for u. That hurt, that was painful tormenting but I needed that, I said that’s life, u don’t always get what u want but that doesn’t not mean u start hating life or quitting on life. I agree with ur decision and I will talk to my parents and call the marriage off. I have only request is that we act as brothers and sisters to on another and not carry grudges or hate. She agreed and that’s when my mom walked in. I woke up and jotted everything down on a scrap piece of paper.

Harith in on of the Halaqa said if u has a good dream tell it to people and if u have had a bad dream it’s from Shaytan and don’t tell anyone. What do I classify this dream. I had an ambiguous feeling even though it was just a dream it’s happening to me rite now. I dunno I was hurt after I got up but I was at peace. That’s why maybe I wrote it so that I realize that I give the person the benefit of the doubt and I move on with my life. Khair inshallah I don’t want to be a captive of my imagination or a prisoner of my memories. Its what I do today which is going to matter.

A wonderful feeling

Love, what is love, whom should we give our love to, is love like business that we always look for our profit, that we don’t dare love someone unless we have the love returned. Too many times have a seen relationships go wrong but that’s not what gets to me, its how the people react to it. You love someone and you want to get married but for some reason out of your control, it doesn’t work out. What happens then, some people replace their love with hate, that’s the way they comprehend the pain. Others just try to forget that they ever loved someone and try to ignore the person. Some people don’t quit they try to get their love through any means. I personally disagree with any of these means; I think one should act normally, towards the person, because in the end they are still your brother or sister in Islam. I believe that nothing in this earth happens coincidence that whatever you go through there is always something valuable you can learn from it, but u have to be cautious, with what u believe u learned. I remember thinking all girls are players and they are heartless. Which of course it wrong, well somewhat, but no i learn something great, i learned the strength of love, i learned the importance of loving my creator. I use to worship Allah because i feared him or because i wanted the reward. But worshiping him is soo much sweeter when u worship him out of love. Love is such a beautiful feeling and i am going to love people regardless if they return the love or not, of course there’s different degrees of love, like i don’t understand some people why hate when u can love. Maybe because its easier on hating on someone then being loving, maybe its easier to flip out on someone instead of looking at them patently and smiling, I don’t know but love is beautiful, and life is beautiful my life has been amazing these past few days, some ppl at school think i am high because i am always smiling and it isn’t a fake smile that i have been putting on for the past few months but its from the heart. It’s the best feeling when u look in the depths of your heart and you have no hate for anyone and you don’t have any grudges to anyone. I dunno Allah gave us soo many blessings and love is just another blessing from Allah. Things happen in life, which does not mean you start hating.