Love for Allah

Another sleepless night, last night after having an amazing FC AI united soccer practice and watching an unreal game of Hockey, Smyth is a warrior out there, I tried to go to sleep, I even tried some of Muntaka’s yoga advice, but my mind was clutter with thoughts. My heart pierced with pain. Why? Because of me: because I care way too much. These days I have been really disappointed with myself, I had such ambitious dreams for Ainlay but I did not achieve any of them. I failed. I made these goals to please Allah and earn is Love but I Failed. In front of my creator, I wanted Ainlay our mini Ummah to be an example to all other schools. Then the youth could spread the message to their family and friends. That Edmonton would be affected, that this change would, flourish and transalate to Alberta, then to Canada then to the entire humanity. What change am I talking about, the change to love Allah. That you would be able to sacrifice anything or anyone for Allah. This change if I would tell you, Allah would be displease with u, if u backbite, u would stop that instant because of the love you have for Allah (Swt) if I would tell you to wear the Hijab because Allah swt prescribed on you u, u would not think twice. That you would strive for the knowledge of Islam no matter how tired u are or how far it may be. That you would marry a man/women just because u know he/she loves Allah and that u would not marry a man/women just because u know he/she would ask u to displease Allah. We need to change how we think. If u want to bring change to the society then u cannot think as the norm of the society thinks. We always think about ourselves first before Allah. We make excuses over and over again when it comes to pleasing Allah why. Anyone can make excuses, I can make an excuse for anything, I can justify anything but that doesn’t mean I am right.

I have been hurting these days, which is my fault because I care to much. I care that I haven’t made a profound change in people’s life. That maybe the way I advice is wrong, maybe I should not be as patience, no, no that wouldn’t work, maybe I should confront them more no, no that wouldn’t work, I don’t know what to do, I care too much for people its hurting when I try to help a sister overcome any obstacles that they have in there way to worship Allah such as wearing the Hijab and they don’t, I feel like I failed and its hurts because I care for that sister but yet she is disobeying mine and her creator. Or that brother where I try to convince him to stop drinking and he doesn’t, it hurts because I love that brother. It’s been hurting looking at Ainlay and seeing how I didn’t have a profound affect on people on how I failed in the sight of Allah. On how I believed it was this generation that would raise the flag of Islam and teach the world what is Islam is truly about. That it would be this generation to destroy the cultural bonds, that it would be this generation to destroy hatred for there brother and sisters, It would be this generation that would put Allah before themselves. That they would care what would Allah swt thinks of them instead of society. It’s so easy and everyone says it but, how many of us truly love Allah and if u do prove it through your actions, Allah sends down test for u in order for u to prove ur love for him. So whatever your test maybe put Allah swt before urself, put Allah which u love so dearly before urself.

Last night I was wondering if it was my fault, maybe I should have never took the leadership position in Ainlay, maybe if I let someone else carry the torch of Islam that he would have brought greater change. But then I was reading an email and a brother reminded me of a Hadith "The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak...but there is good in all; be vigilant for what is to your benefit, seek Allah's Help and do not despair; and if something befalls you along the way, do not say, 'If I had done such and such, this or that would have happened', rather say, 'It is Allah's will, and He does whatever He pleases', because 'if' opens the doors of shaytan." (Hadith) I gave it my all, Allah swt, I try to earn ur love I am sorry that I failed and ask for ur forgiveness. I tried to give the best and sincere advices to the best of my ability, in the best and wises of manners. I tried to lead by example, I tried to be patience but persistent, I tried not to force anyone to worship you but for them to come on there own. I tried my best Allah and please forgive for any of my shortcoming, I am human, and I ask forgiveness to anyone I offended or hurt ever in my life forgive me.

P.s Just a request I left the comment section open for people to give me constructive criticism on how I should act or react, so plz leave a comment if it is going to help me in the future or now, Plz don’t try to praise me because it only hurts when I know I am unworthy of those praises and if there has been any changes in your life its from Allah( SWT).

Skipping

I have been skipping way too much these last few weeks, why well there are many reasons. I have been going through a lot of problems and allhamduAllah many of them I have solved or in the process of solving, There have been a significant amount of people who have came up to me and gave me there advice of me skipping and I want to say jazaakumullkhair and I am also thankful to Allah for giving me such brothers/sisters who care so much for me. Like for example today I got a phone call on my cell phone from my teacher, thanks to my cousin Yawer, but hey I knew it was my teacher and I stilled picked up. I could hear the laughter of the classroom in the background, at first I was pissed of at my good old buddy but I realize he did it for me. Which was indeed a huge load of my shoulders, my teacher just asks me to come to his class tomorrow. There’s been countless of others who have done the same for me and who have advised me to stop skipping, some tried to drag me to class, some yelled, some stop talking to me, and some tried to inform me in a jokingly matter. But in the end there all right and inshAllah I am going to make an effort, to not to skip after this weekend is up.


There’s one thing that gets to me that 80% of the people who advice me to stop skipping think I am at home sleeping and not doing anything that I don’t feel like going to school.
I admit there’s been three of four times where I have skipped for no good reason, but the rest of the time I am at home doing things, like what? Well I wish I could tell the world but I don’t want to complain and have anyone to sympathize for me. There are many others who are going through way more tribulations than me and they deserve your sympathy and help. Life is beautiful and I am just going to continue on life and make an effort to cross all hurdles. Everyone has challenges in life, but its how we react to those challenges, my life’s been great and these last three weeks have been the best because I have learned so much and it has added to the mustered seed of wisdom I posses. Youcef said it the best on msn. Our conversation was something to the effect of

Youcef: How’s life
Nawid: tough I have this and this to do and all these problems to figure out.
Youcef: Go to your teacher and tell him that you where skipping and then catch up on all your homework.
Nawid: Yeah only if life was the simple
Youcef: well then it wouldn’t be life.

Something on those lines but that got to me, Thanks Youcef I couldn’t do my homework after that, because I was thinking about his statement, its so true if we weren’t faced with tribulations how would we learn about life, how would we feel life, overcoming challenges its another blessing from Allah (SWT).

"Great things are not done by impulse, but a series of small things brought together. "
Vincent Van Gogh

William Shakespeare

"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare."
Sonnet 130

I was going through some Shakespeare sonnets when this one caught my eye. When I first read it I was disgusted and thought to myself how is this love. What kind of romance is this? But I read over and over again and now I truly appreciate this masterpiece of art. We tend to compare our loved ones to the beauties of nature and praise them with comparing the human to the qualities of nature, but how many have compared a love one for who she really is. That she does not have eyes such as the sun, the reddest lips, fairest of breasts, the golden silky hair, the rose’s of cheeks, her breath is not the scent of perfume and her voice does not sound more pleasing then music. She’s just human, she’s not a goddesses, but u love her, you love her regardless of her beauty you love to see her, you love to hear, you love to be with her, that she is the best thing to you, that’s true love, when u can love a person for their flaws.